Basically the rule of thumb here is any variation of your routine (if you’ve been together for a while) is not a good sign. You’ll have to relay on your instincts as on your communication with her.
No 10. Suddenly she’s working late
You already know her work schedule and you know her routine since you two have been together long enough to get comfortable around each other. One day you start noticing her work time has increased. It doesn’t have to be a lot, it can only be an hour or so in the beginning and later it turns into a few more hours or an all night. Of course it can be just a new project she’s working on, but according to latest statistics office has become the first place for people in relationships who engage in infidelity to meet the other person. So you might just ask her if she has a new guy in the office or if there is something else going on. Don’t act like a jerk about it until you’re 100% sure, she’ll have a reason to cheat on you if you’re not being supportive of her career.
No 9. She’s on a hunt for a new wardrobe (or changing her looks)
All of the sudden she hits the gym 5 times a week, she spends a fortune on a new wardrobe, makes hairdressers appointments and goes on a diet. It can be any of those or all of them. Talk to her about it, ask her is there something about her self she’s not happy with. Talk to her about her motivation. Offer to help out if she’s trying to clean up her diet. It can be a great confidence booster for her if she does it right. Be very supportive because if she’s not cheating you’ll be enjoying a hot looking girlfriend. If this is the only thing she’s doing different 9 times out of 10 it’s not for another guy – it’s for you. On the other hand if it is one of the things that is different keep an eye on her.
No 8. Her phone/credit car bill is greatly increased
This is only an issue if you two are living together and sharing a budget. If you see her phone bill increasing with a lot of suspicious looking numbers or call times in it, you have something to worry about. Don’t confront her in an accusing manner but ask her if everything is OK and if there is something going on. Also if her credit card shows different expenses you know you two didn’t make together. Look for restaurants, hotels, rent-a-car, gift shops but don’t accuse her.
No 7. She’s defensive, accusative of you and/or seems stressed out
It can be any of those things. She starts to accuse you of cheating, she starts nagging you more and more, or you see her crying secretly. When a woman is under a great deal of stress, and, for them, cheating is a GREAT deal of stress, woman handle it differently. Some make it easier on them selves to accuse you of cheating, some get defensive when you ask them a simple question in a non-accusative manner (like why didn’t you answer when you were at the store, we were out of milk) and some just cry a lot cause they don’t know what do.
Or and it can even be a change that you might perceive as good. Like she used to nag you for something and all of the sudden she stopped. Well sorry to brake it to you, but it’s usually not good news. It just means she gave up on you changing. And that leaves her with either a) accepting it and staying with you the way you are or b)accepting you’ll never change and leaving you.
No 6. She’s not answering your calls any more or calls excessively
Seems like she’s never answering your calls any more even though she always has an appropriate apology – her battery was low, she was on a meeting or she accidental left her phone in her car. Another variation of that behaviour is that she calls you all of the time to check up on you and to see where you are. It’s only suspicious if she didn’t do those things before. And you might even check up on her, note that I’m not a fan of checking up on your girlfriend (wife), but it can help you discover if she’s cheating. When she does answer her phone, and she’s suppose to be at work, tell her you’re in front of her office and you’re just dropping in to say hi. And be there.
Or when she calls you up to see where you are, tell her you’ll be out when she comes home, but stay in and see when and who with she comes.
No 5. She’s distant
She seems distracted and alienated. She doesn’t ask you about your day and when you ask her something she’s very vague. You can’t seem to get to her lately. Ask her what’s really going on, try and get to the bottom of things. She might not be cheating on you, but something is wrong if she’s not sharing.
No 4. She avoids making future plans with you
You two used to make a lot of plans for the future. It can be about a wedding, baby or if you’re just starting out about your next holiday or a new place to eat in. And all of the sudden she’s telling you “perhaps”, “maybe” and “we’ll see”. Now even if she’s not cheating you’re not in focus any more so that’s bad new either way.
No 3. She avoids physical contact or she’s all about physical contact
She starts to avoid sex, hugging, cuddling or kissing you. She doesn’t enjoy your touch and never initiates it. If you two used to have sex a few times a week and now she’s doing everything to avoid it, you’re in trouble. If you notice her to come to bed late or have a headache all of the time, worst thing you can do is try and pressure her. Don’t be overly aggressive. You can try longer foreplay or just to cuddle but if you see her avoiding it, it’s a pretty big sign she’s not interested in you that way.
A variation of that is that her libido skyrockets and she’s all about sex. She’s trying out new positions, new techniques and she’s initiating sex 3 times a day. While your usually routine was only a few times a week.
No 2. She avoids eye contact, opening up, sharing and any form of intimacy
If she avoids your eye contact you two are pretty deep in. Something that has gone so far with out her sharing it with you is a matter of thrust and intimacy. She doesn’t thrust you and she doesn’t see you as someone she can rely on.
If she’s cheating on you she can’t look at you because she is feeling guilty and she doesn’t thrust you not to get mad about it. If it’s something else going on you two will have a lot of work fixing it.
No 1. She confesses
Confronting her about it is hard. It’s hard for you and it’s hard for her. But you two will both be better off once you know the truth. Don’t call her and tell her you need to talk, when she comes home take your time and let her relax first. She’ll be stressed out from work and she’ll have trouble opening up if you jump on her while she’s still at the door. If you have any “evidence” start with that. Don’t jell, scream or shout at her. Keep your cool. If you see you’ll lose your temper, take a walk, take a few days off. Ask her why did she do it. Take your part of the blame here, find out if there is something you were not providing her with. Don’t make it harder than it already is.
Rhett Butller http://www.powerfulman.net
If you’re having girlfriend (wife) trouble contact me and I promise to do my best to help out (not selling anything)
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